Hey, y’all!!  I know it’s so unlike me to not post anything for long periods at a time, but, well… here we are!  Life has been happening.  Some bad, mostly good, but as usual, I tend to ruminate over the bad, so we’re just going to skip over the last few (mostly awesome!) months and go to this week.  I will probably backtrack later, since I know you’re probably holding your breath for it. I mean, what’s not exciting about work and not training and depression and normal life and some awesome trips scattered around?!

I do lots of epic shit that most people don’t.  It feels REALLLLLLY weird and awkward to say/write that because I am really not good at being positive about myself.  Self-deprecating?  Expert level.  Maybe, like, Wizard level or some shit.

But, if I were to look at the things I do and have done, it’s pretty epic (I’m going to list some to remind myself that I’m not bragging.  I have done epic shit and it’s ok to say that.): went to – and survived, even passed! – vet school, finished an Ironman, lots of marathons, lots of triathlons, climbed Pike’s Peak, survived The Incident, moved to new cities without knowing anyone – twice,  did a 50K, amputated a kitten’s leg last week because it was nasty and too broken to fix, lived with and survived depression every damn day, and some more stuff that I can’t remember right now but I’m sure my husband would remind me of if I asked… )

But I don’t really get out of my comfort zone often.  I ask myself why and all I can come up with is because it’s hard.  WTF?  Like climbing Pike’s Peak without acclimating or ever climbing more than 2,000 feet was easy?  Like training for and doing my first marathon was easy?  Like getting out of bed when I am depressed is easy?  Because it’s hard has never been a good excuse for me.  Because it’s hard is WHY I chose vet school and WHY I did an Ironman and WHY I do lots of things.  So, I decided I would try something intimidating for me.  I went to a MeetUp.

Scary, right?  For an introvert who has little self-confidence, it was super hard to walk into a room of talented people that I had never met.  All alone.  Without a way to hide.  I even had scrubs on with my name on them.  There was no hiding.  “A MeetUp?” you ask.  That’s vague.

So, since we moved to our new city over a year ago, I (we, really) have not felt settled.  I don’t have friends in this city.  I have friends at work, but that’s all AT LEAST 30 minutes away — and with that city’s traffic, a trip there could take more like 1 to 1.5 hours, so I don’t expect them to come to my city and hang out either!  And I don’t have my music.  I really miss my choral group and just singing in general.  I went to a choral organization in our town, but it just didn’t feel right and wasn’t very welcoming and was hard to get to for rehearsals after work.

So I went to MeetUp to look again.  And I found something scary.

Y’all, it’s a SHOW CHOIR.  An amazingly professional, super welcoming, hard working, incredible choir.  I have never been in a show choir.  I didn’t exactly have the most inspiring (read: any) music/arts opportunities in high school and I concentrated on vet school prerequisites in college, so I am not chorally-trained.  But this was fantastic.

If you know me in person, you know that I am… animated… when I talk or describe things or, really, do anything.  There are flailing arms and legs and weird facial expressions and changes in voice.  Normally, that’s not something you do while singing in a chorus.  Unless it’s a show choir!  The expressions on their faces were perfect.  They moved and smiled and looked like they were having a great time.  And my cheeks hurt from smiling while watching them.  Their director is amazing and talented and I think every single member said hello and welcomed me.

I have to sing for them to place my voice, then audition in a couple of weeks, so I’m not part of that group (yet — fingers crossed!!!)  I am going to train like an Ironman.  But with my voice.  So, not really like an Ironman at all.  What I really meant by that was that I’m going to train really hard, and … geez. You get the point.

I’m going to try to whip this voice that hasn’t sung in well over a year and is still fighting off the bronchitis from my upper respiratory infection from a MONTH ago into shape.  Some shape.  Maybe not the first soprano shape it used to be in, but this choir requires a different tone of voice than what I’m used to, so maybe it will be fine.

Even if I don’t make it in this time, I still went outside my comfort zone.  This time, I was rewarded with smiles and welcomes.  Next time, it may be awkward and weird and unpleasant, but I believe that each time it will get easier.  Probably slowly.  Because just typing that made my blood pressure go up and my palms get sweaty.  uuuuuggggghhh. But I’ll do it anyway.  Because you never get anywhere by sitting still and, while sitting right here on my couch, writing and drinking coffee sounds like a really good strategy, I know it won’t lead to many adventures.  And I like adventures.