Hey! I’m still here! Just undisciplined as always, so the posts are few and far between. I’m going to get my shit together. No, for real this time. I think it’s already together. Somewhere. I just don’t know where I put it.

But I did make it to the pool a couple of weeks ago. (I loathe swimming laps, in case anyone was asking.) Besides being a great form of exercise, swimming sometimes gives an insight into my psyche. (This may also be a reason I don’t like swimming laps. My psyche is a frightening place and no one wants to go there. Not even me.)

I’m swimming back and forth and back and forth. And back and forth. And it seemed to just be getting more and more frustrating. Harder with each lap. Harder to keep making myself do it. Uuuuuugggggghhhhh. 1,2,3, breath. 1,2,3, breath. 1,2,3, omg this is so boring and why am I even 2,3, breath, doing this. I hate 3, breath, 1, this is the worst. I am the worst swim- 1,2,3, breath, er ever…. and so forth.

At one point, I stopped to get a drink and realized that my goggles were foggy. Ugh. I spit in them and everything. Stupid foggy goggles. Now I have to break the seal and wipe them out. Everything about swimming sucks.

But I took the goggles off, wiped them out, spit in them again (because that’s just what you do to keep them from fogging up – allegedly) and put them back on. When I started swimming again, I noticed something: it felt easier. Things were brighter, clearer, more pleasant. Nothing had changed. But I had cleared my goggles.

Clearing the film and fog from my goggles made all the difference. I felt happier and even my breathing was easier. It made me think. How often am I going about my daily life with foggy goggles and I don’t even realize it? My own blurred vision makes everything seem so much worse than it is. The pool didn’t change when I cleared my goggles. My perspective did.

A new goal for me is to pay attention to my goggles – literally and figuratively. (Because seriously, those foggy goggles really piss me off in the pool). When everything is frustrating and going wrong and I’m irritable and fussy (ok… bitchy), is it really that everything is bad? Or am I just walking around with foggy goggles?

It’s pretty simple to clean out actual literal goggles: You take them off your face and wipe them off. Cleaning the figurative ones can be trickier. I’ve been trying to just take note. If my goggles are foggy, I try to take a deep breath and consciously decide to see things differently. Sometimes, it requires a nap. Sometimes, it requires a talk with a friend. Sometimes it requires a walk outside to reset. Sometimes, I need a good hug. Or a good cry. But it always requires that I NOTICE my foggy goggles. Once I notice it, I can do something about it.

So, in addition to swimming more (uuuuuuggggggghhhhh), I’m going to pay more attention to the way I see the world and myself. Because it’s so much easier to swim when your goggles are clear.