So I had sooooo many positive ideas for blog posts and encouragement when I left the chorus retreat a couple of weeks ago!! Soooooooooooo many. And some time I will do those. But I was so busy for the last few weeks playing catch-up from days off and conferences and such that I didn’t get around to them. And then, like a monkey in a cage, life threw some shit at me.

I just switched back to the brand name of my antidepressant after a long many months of trying cheaper options. I am, apparently, a unicorn that requires the the racemic enantiomer of albuterol, special glasses lenses that cost extra because they are so thick, and the brand name of my SSNRI medication. So. utterly. special.

I was doing super great on my Pristiq, but when the cost shot up from $15/mo to $225/mo WITH insurance and WITH the Pfizer discount card, I decided to try alternatives since I was in a good place otherwise. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t as good. I mean, they were ok. I didn’t want to die every day and I was able to function. But I wasn’t myself. So, I decided to suck it up and pay for my mental stability. Even when switching back to a known effective antidepressant, there’s always a few days during transition where emotional lability and dizziness and not being great happens. I’ve been there for the past couple of days.

And life threw me another curveball. I’m not going to go into all that right now right here, but it’s been a tough one. (Before you ask… No, I’m not pregnant! That’s always the question thrown out when a woman says she has something going on.)

I’m really wishing I could do those positive posts right now, but that’s not where I currently am. And since this blog is basically about my journey, that’s where we are on the map.

Here I am, worn out, exhausted, trying desperately to not get sick (I usually get a cold when I am sleep deprived and stressed), and trying to be my 10 (more on that in a later post).

I’ve been here before. It’s not unfamiliar territory. So, I know I can make it to the other side. One phrase I have become very fond of is “Plot Twist!” As in, when life doesn’t go the way you expect, just yell “Plot Twist!” and move on. It makes the whole story much more interesting, anyway.

So I’m here with my Plot Twist and my interesting storyline, being honest and open and vulnerable about how shit sucks sometimes, in the hopes that if you have plot twists in your narrative, you’ll be able to see them for what they are: something to make your story more complicated and unexpected and interesting and unique. Here’s to this current plot twist and all the new stories it will create.

Love to you all. Don’t forget to take care of yourselves – and each other. And yell “Plot twist!” as often as necessary.