Music is medicine to me. The act of singing is therapeutic. Music can heal my heart and mind, change my mood, give me energy, help me relax. Singing with a group of people who are all working toward one goal, to make a piece of music the most perfect it can be, is transcendent.

All this is why I had been so looking forward to our first Vox Grata rehearsal of the season. By the time it arrived, I didn’t even want to make the drive, much less try to sing.

So many things had hit me so hard over the previous weeks. Car trouble, unexpected bills, more car trouble, more unexpected bills, worsening asthma, new meds that helped me breathe dropping my already precarious serotonin… I was faced with choosing which organ would try to kill me: my lungs or my brain. There was a chance my daughter would be without a car to drive — which meant I would be responsible again for leaving work early enough to pick her up after archery practice and what would we do about getting her to work and back? It was all so heavy on top of the regular stresses of work and the world.

I was so very, very tired inside.

I (almost) literally dragged myself into the rehearsal space and sat down. Our director, Jeanette, went over the pieces we would be performing at the end of the season. She chose them because they all speak about finding joy when (she gestured to the world around) things are “just crap”. She started talking about each song. I started to cry. Quietly. Just tears filling my eyes and spilling over. This music was meant for me.

I felt seen and loved by the universe. Things are hard. Sometimes all the hard things happen at the same time. Sometimes you feel too heavy to even lift up your head. But there is still love and there is still beauty and there is still even joy. It was all in that room at that moment.

The community of women in that room carried heavy things too. And they each showed up to make beautiful, meaningful music together. We would find joy in this work and in this world.

Just the theme of the concert brought me comfort. But each song had its own message for me. I’m going to write a few posts about some of the songs and how I interpret and internalize each one. Stay tuned! Our concerts are Monday, November 9 and Thursday, November 12 at 7:30 pm. Please consider attending either in-person (definitely the best option) or virtually (see the Vox Grata website if interested). We all need some reassurance that we are not alone and that joy is still here, just waiting for us to see it.